6 years ago today..

6 years ago today... I got the call.  The call that made me feel like I was falling down an abyss. The call that changed our lives forever.
I have been bad not posting for so long.  But no news is good news, right? :)

I am doing well.  Last May my oncologist at MD Anderson and I decided that I did not need to go to Houston every year any more.  I see my oncologist here in town, once a year, although I will be switching to the Survivorship Clinic soon.

I am so grateful, that I am here.  I am alive, feeling well.  I watch my children grow. I have a job that I love. I tap dance twice a week, and sometimes go to the gym.  I gained all the weight that I had lost during chemo and some more in the last 4 years, and then last year I lost it again.  I hope that I am learning to keep it under control for the rest of my life.  For the first time in my life I realize and accept that my relationship with food is something that needs to be watched, rather than dieting till losing the weight and then going back to the 'old ways'.  I also learned that my mental health is directly linked to my physiological health.  So I seek help when I need to.

The "fear" of cancer coming back is always there, but less pronounced in my daily life.  I do talk about it in class when we cover cancer but it doesn't terrify me as it used to.  Having friends who are living with cancer has taught me (I hope it has) that life continues and  you do the best of what you have been given.

If you are on this journey I wish you strength..

Peace.

Zeynep

CT clear

Sorry, I have been bad at posting this.  The CT scan results are good, we will repeat them again next year, so yaaay!

Actually the Dr.s appt was a miracle, for the very first time ever the doctor saw me on time, actually not even on time, before my scheduled appointment.  This is really unheard of, but was very pleasant.  Unfortunately they had not received the report from radiology so I ended up getting the regular physical examination and answering questions about my energy levels, pain aches, etc.  Later that day as I was just about to board my plane, the nurse called and gave the good news.

Getting back home was wonderful, I felt so elevated, my worries gone away ..  a little over three years since first diagnosis..  it feels good.

Ever since I got back, life has been very hectic.  Work is super busy, kids' schedule is super busy, this years two chicks are growing real fast..  Last week it was so warm I was going around in short sleeves, this week it is colder, we even got frost last night.

Don't forget to watch the lunar eclipse tonight :)

Cheers everyone!

That time of the year again ..

I am in Houston again. For a CT scan and Dr.s visit. It is always such a humbling experience to walk into the building and to know that every other person you see has had cancer (the other half are friends and family of the cancer survivors). Suddenly your own story becomes not so significant any more. It is just a story among thousands, tens of thousands. The good thing is that most people that are in waiting launges are in good health (or at least seem to be). There are occasionally patients that have lost significant weight and some that need to be wheeled in in a wheel chair. 

As I spent 3 hours in waiting rooms today, it struck me how different peoples moods are. Most are cordial and friendly towards each other and the staff (the ataff is WONDERFUL by the way, I don't know how they do it.. Not only here at MD anderson but also at the cancer enter in my home town- they always amanage to have a cheerful manner without being annoying. Sometimes I wish I could take whatever drug they must be taking to work in such a challenging job :) ).And then there are others, some that are bitter, some that are snippy towards others. You never know what is going on in people's lives.

I had the CT scan today. As they injected the contrast agent (Iodine) I thought about the last piece that Susan Gubar, (the ovarian cancer survivor professor who writes about her experiences with cancer in New York Times) wrote.  By now I am familiar with the sensation of the peeing in my pants and intense warmth on my handsband feet as the iodine starts circulating my body. But it is still as annoying as the first time. 

Tomorrow I will see my Dr. And hopefully get good news. So please say a prayer and/or send positive vibes my way.. I do need it :). Sleep comes hard and is very patchy dispite the fact that I go to the hotels work out room and run on the treadmill in the evenings.  Maybe I will read one of the scientific papers that  I logged with me, that should put me to sleep right ;)

Good night and good luck!

I did it!

As planned I did run my first 10K two weeks ago.  My goal was to run the whole 10K, even if I had to run slow, very slow.  I persuaded a good friend about a month ago to do the run with me and he did.  It was great because he drove the almost 2 hr drive while it was still dark out and snowing.  Before the race we got our bib numbers, and bags, drove through the course to see what it was like.  The shuttles took us from the finish line to the starting point where they had several fires going to keep the runners warm, in addition to some hot drinks (well warm chocolate, and tea).  As they fired the pistol for the start of the race it started to snow.  The temperature was well below freezing (17F) and after 3 minutes of trying to run faster than I usually do, I asked my friend to run ahead instead of trying to keep me company and thankfully he agreed.  For a long time people just kept passing me.  The cold air took my breath away, it felt like my lungs were frozen, but finally about half way (at 3 mile station where they had 'ice water' for the runners :) ) I started getting into my rhythm. Even passed a few people who had earlier run by me.  Once towards the end I almost fell face first because it was icy but I caught myself.  By the end my time was about what I was doing on the treadmill.  I was tired by it felt good to have completed it and achieved my goal.  Here is a photo to prove that I really was there:

Last week I went to an endocrinologist for my thyroid.  Based on the way my thyroid feels, my ultrasounds and family history he thought I had Hashimoto's disease, but the lab results looked good, so no need to take drugs for that.

On Monday I had my 6 month check up with the oncologist.  It went well.  Of course I got to hear the usual questions of if I was coughing up blood or had a bone pain, but did not let it bother me.  She wants to see me in six months again.  Before that I will be having another CT scan of my chest.. not sure when yet, trying to schedule it to work out with my teaching schedule.

That's all for now, folks..

Giving Thanks

It is not just today - Thanksgiving day - , that I give thanks.  Almost everyday I am thankful for my family and friends, for my health, for a job I love, for the beautiful place we live, for having the most wonderful support group in my life.  It is such an amazing thing to feel healthy - and after what I have experienced, it is truly appreciated.
I am working on the 10K training, only 10 days left..  It is going well and the crazy thing is that I actually enjoy it.  Seeing the progress is very rewarding and is a great example of how with practice, effort and time we have the potential to do things that we never thought we could.
A few weeks and I will have my 6 month check up - it will be the first time that I have not seen an oncologist for a full 6 months since the diagnosis.  Of course I am a little anxious but really too busy to think about it for now.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all!

Celebrating another birthday

43!  Three birthdays since the diagnosis.  I used to get upset about growing another year older, not any more.  It actually reminds me that I am here and 43, that is awesome.  I am so grateful to feel healthy, to have the most wonderful family and a supportive circle of friends.

If you know me you probably know that I hate running.  Well, this year my book club proposed a personal challenge for everyone to tackle.  I chose to run a 5K. In my previous life I have run only very rarely: when I was in high school for training for the tennis team and a little in college for a month or so.  That is it.  I hate it because I get out of breath, and cannot do it for even a short time.  This spring I installed an app for Couch to 5K and started training.  And little by little noticed that I could run longer each weak.  Finally early in May I made it, I ran the 5K with a friend, and bunch of little girls (it was a Girls on the Run event).  It felt so good to accomplish it.  Then summer came and I stopped.  This fall when I got back on the exercise wagon I decided to run a 10K.  So I am training - it is my 8th week (I fast forwarded the first few weeks since I was still in good enough shape from the spring) and will be running 5 K this week.  My goal is to be able to run the 10 K without walking on December 7th in Moab.  I really do not care about my time, maybe that will come later.  But I love being out as the sun rises, seeing the beautiful colors on the mountains, feeling the cool (and it is getting colder and colder) air on my face.  I have also signed up at the gym on campus just so I have the option of a tread mill if the weather gets so bad that I cannot run.  This was my view about a month ago, full moon setting as the sun is rising.

I hope I can post a picture of myself at the end of the 10K in a month and a half.

Cheers!

another 6 month appointment

Today I had my 6 month check-up.  During last 12 days my mind was so preoccupied with work and the events in Turkey that I did not have a chance to worry about it.  So the only thing that I had to tell myself before seeing the Dr. was not to let her words worry me.  Because it seems like after each visit I end up having a scan or another visit to the Dr. because I get stock on something that she said and make myself sick.  So when she walked in with a student Dr. and started asking a series of questions: "how is your vision? blurry?  double?  what about headaches?   trouble breathing?  coughing?  do you cough up blood? any pain in your bones?  what about your abdomen?" I was taken a little back but tried to look at it as a class demonstration, and I was the object of the lecture. 
Anyway, everything went well, physical examination fine. CBC fine.  The liver panel was not in by the time I left, I will call tomorrow and confirm that it was fine. 
She wants to see me in 6 months, so yaay!