photos

This post will be picture heavy.. Pictures of Zeynep the Rock Star :), Zeynep with short hair, Zeynep with different wigs..

First: just after Dan buzzed off the hair:


On my way to the bookclub:




After the "Look good, Feel Better" session with the ACS (American Cancer Society).



They also gave me three wigs (FOR FREE!!). I will give them back once all of this over, but until then I plan to have FUN.. I had bought a wig, that looked like my old no so short, short hair and I feel quite comfortable in it. The new wigs are a little crazy, they are not "me", but hey why not try something new:



And then last night I decided that my short hair had thinned out too much, so I actually wore this one out to public! My mom and I went to a Thai restaurant for dinner. And as soon as we entered the restaurant we saw a young women with bright, almost fluorescent PINK hair sitting at a table.. So my worries of people realizing that I was wearing a wig went away and we had a fun dinner. Next week I am thinking of going to work with a different wig everyday - why not - everybody will know it is a wig anyway.. I will let you know if I had the guts to do so..



Having said all of this, I actually think my girls look better in my wigs :)

barbers in training..

On Monday I could not wait to get home to get the hair cut.. It felt like it was falling off every minute, I had to put on a hat to keep it in place while I was at work. So as soon I got home, I told the girls to get ready and gave them scissors, and they cut it!! Here are some pictures. First before the cutting :

Both of them were very careful cutting it, and they did a good job.
And then as soon as Dan got home, he got the buzzer and cut it really short.. less than an inch long.. I don't have pictures on the computer yet, as soon as I do I will put them on. I was going to Bookclub that evening, so I put on my jeans and a leather jacket and Ada looked at me and said: "Mommy, you look like a Rock Star!".. I don't know where she learned what a Rock Star is, but she made me smile and feel good :)

my hair is falling down, falling down, falling down

Well, it has been a little over 2 weeks, and the hair started falling off yesterday. I don't have any bold spots yet, but it is thinning fast. I am waiting, trying to decide when it will be time to let the kids have the scissors :).. To make it "fun" for them, I promised that they could "cut" my hair before their father shaves it off, so almost every other day I am being asked when it will be time. Probably another day or so.. we'll see..
Since the beginning I have known that it would fall off, and it didn't bother me to think about it, but as it is happening right now it is kind of depressing, having bunches of hair in your hand when you run your fingers through it... But I will NOT let this get me down, I am more than my hair :)..

I guess more than the physical look, it is the fact that it will be "real" when I look in the mirror. Well, you could argue I have another "thing" or the lack thereof that reminds me that it is "real".. but I don't see that very often. And with the mastectomy bra and the prosthetic breast I got last week, I actually feel pretty good. It is much better than the "sponge boob" that I had gotten before I left for Houston, it doesn't creep up my shirt, I don't have to push it down everytime I turn my back to my students :)

Anyway, that's it for this weekend.. I was tired yesterday, spent most of the day in bed watching netflix. but I feel better today.. have tons of grading to do.. so I better go and start it..

done with round 3

this will be a quick and short update:

it went well




ha ha, got you.. well, it will be short, because we have to get the girls to bed. But in short: Dan came along this time. It was his first time in the infusion center. They had no trouble withdrawing blood this time, yaaay! and I LOVE the numbing cream that I use, I don't feel a thing when they stab me with the needle on the port. Then we had the genetic counselor come and talk to us for the BRCA genetic testing. I will give a sample for that next week, the results usually come out in a few weeks, we'll see..
The claratin/zofran combination works really much better than Benadryl/Ativan combo. I did get tired during the infusion but that is normal, and after that I felt pretty good.

We even went to Ada's preschool spring program. Her whole class sang, while Ada looked at us with a smile on her face. She was singing all those songs to us for the last few days so I was really hoping that she would sing on the stage too, but no luck :)..

After the program we went out to dinner and now it is time for bed :)

Hoping that all of you are having a WONDERFUL time, I sure am enjoying these spring days..

two down ten to go

I am done with second chemo, yaay! Aaaand this time I didn't get "drunk" on medications! So I knew I was a little loopy but I didn't realize how bad it got until yesterday. I had to go in to see the oncologist yesterday. While I was waiting in the waiting area, last week's infusion nurse saw me, he came and talked to me, asked me how I was doing. I said fine, but added that I was kind of out of it. So he says, "yeah, but you could walk a straight line!" I say " What do you mean?"
He says: " well, when I unhooked you, on your way out, you said, 'look I can walk a straight line' and then did so on a line on the floor!" I did not believe him. I thought he was kidding. But when I asked my sister, she said " yes Zeynep, you DID!!!" WOW! I was REALLY drunk.
So yesterday when I saw the oncologist I asked her if I could have something else, or less of what ever, and she did change the premeds a little. Today it was much better. I did feel a little tired but I could even do a little work. Right now I am at home, sitting on the bed.. being lazy, or in other words being good about keeping up my blog :)

Yesterday was a little stressful. They always check your blood values before giving chemo, they want to make sure that the white blood cell count is not TOO low. One of the perks of having the port is that they can withdraw blood. However, yesterday they could not get enough blood out, a little came out and then it stopped. They said it sometimes happen. But in the meanwhile I got stabbed 3 times on my port and finally once on my arm to get the blood out. It took over an hour, I got light headed twice, had to lay down. Finally they injected a drug that is supposed to break down any fibrous tissue that may be formed by body in/around the port. Well, today it worked, so that is good. I just don't want any problems with my port.

How was last week? Pretty good. Over the weekend I was tired (but I am not sure if it was being tired because of chemo or my usual tiredness), I played the "cancer card" and rested. I worked on my classes. Didn't have much nausea... A little discomfort in the lower abdomen, but nothing too bad. Then starting Monday it got better. We'll see how this week will go.. They say that symptoms may accumulate as the number of chemos increase.. but I am keeping my fingers crossed.

I also went to the physical therapist this week. Mostly because my left thumb and index finger are still numb after the mastectomy. They don't exactly know. the nerves have been damaged. So I got some stretches and exercises to do to improve my use of left hand..

I have been told that the blog is quite detailed. I hope I am not boring y'all.. But this blog is as much for me as it is for you.. It is a way of documenting what happened, and it is a way for me to "get it out". Plus I doubt it will be as detailed from now on. Mostly events, progress reports..

How it all started.. part II

Well, that Thursday, I took Deniz to her Ballet class. As soon as she stepped in, my phone rang. I ran outside. It was the surgeon. He asked me how my scar was feeling.. I said it is fine. Then there is a slight pause.. He says, not exact words because I do not remember: "well, I am afraid you have cancer. It is called "invasive ductal carcinoma".. and it is hormone receptor negative" Me: "S..T!".. I know a little about this.. Because I had been reading a great book: "The Emperor of All Maladies: Cancer", that talks about the history of cancer, and just a few days ago, I have read how they have discovered that some breast cancers feed on estrogen or progesteron, they have receptors that detect these hormones and in response, they grow and divide. I know about this, because one of my best friends has been diagnosed with breast cancer just a few months ago, and hers is hormone receptor positive, so she will get treated - after chemotherapy - to reduce her production of estrogen, basically put into menapause, so her cancer cells, if there are any left, do not thrive, and instead die.
The doctor says: " well, it is quite aggressive, and the fact that you are young is not much help!"
When I first heard "cancer", this is how I felt: The time has stopped, I am falling down in to an abyss, and I think, "can I make the time go backwards??, can I make this not happen at all?" There is howling in my ears, I am pacing back and front..

So we talk a little more, he tells me that he has to go back, he has to take out more tissue, because he didn't do a "tumor removal" operation.. We talk about options a little and then decide that I will see him the next day in the morning...

I hang up. I call Dan. I tell him everything that I remember.. He is shaken, I can hear it in his voice.. How can he not be? I tell him, please come home early today... We hang up.. I text my sister.. it is 2 am in Turkey.. she calls back in a few minutes.. we talk, I tell her what the Dr. said.. I go back into Deniz's ballet class.. I want to watch her, I want to be there, every minute of it.. but I cannot, my brain is not right. I go next door into Safeway to buy a few groceries, I see our babysitter, she tries to talk, I cannot, I cut it short, I say "rough day today"..
I get back into ballet, one of Ada's classmate's mother is there, she knows I had the surgery, she asks.. I tell her, she hugs me, I hug her back.. I feel lost, I feel scared - really scared - .. I am scared to die, not for myself, but for leaving my girls, not being there when Deniz does her next science project.. not there when they lose their first tooth, not there when they ride their bicycle without the training wheels. Don't get me wrong, I am sure I will be scared when the "time" comes but at that point, it was mostly being scared of leaving my family..

The ballet is done, we pick Ada up from daycare, drive home, Dan is home! He is home! Deniz turns on TV and starts watching "Arthur"
Dan and I just sit at the dinner table and look at each other. "WTF are we going to do?" At that point we hear the TV.. "..'s mommy has cancer..." really could this be true? On that day the Arthur episode was about "CANCER"! really? it must be some cosmic alignment of events.. So this will make it easier for us to talk to the kids about cancer..

Next day Dan and I go to the Dr. together. Ada is sick, her nose is running non-stop (that night her fever hit 105F!, 40.5C). We talk to the Dr., and decide to have a mastectomy the following Wednesday.

I come back to campus and teach my last lab of the week, go home.. so Dan can go to work (he had to stay home with Ada)..

Next day, my mom and sister have tickets to come to GJ on Monday.. sigh! I had been saying that we could wait but I am so grateful that they are coming. We spend the weekend, in a semi-normal fashion.. we take a walk as a family in the neighborhood. That evening we tell the girls that mommy has cancer that she will have a surgery and the Dr. will take out her breast... later she will probably have medicine that will make her hair fall out, so we will shave it, just like Daddy's head! They are not too happy about this, but don't ask too many questions..
Monday, Dan stays home again, because Ada is still sick, we are all on Tamiflu (except Ada because it is too late for her).. I go to work, tell one of my classes, it is mostly juniors and seniors, I know most of them.. well, there is no way of hiding it, right, I will be gone, I will have surgery, I won't function fully for a while.. The other class I don't tell anything.. I go to my shrink, I cry, I yell, I react.. at the very end she helps me to do self hypnosis to calm down and relax and it really works..
During all this time I am trying to see an oncologist!! heck, I have cancer and an oncologist won't see me until I have the surgery and they know what the condition of my lymph nodes are.. EXCUSE ME, I am about to give up one of my breasts, is it too much to ask to talk to an oncologist before I have this surgery? So I decide to be an aggressive patient, well, I have an aggressive cancer so I have to be an aggressive patient, right?..
Have you watched, Sex and the City? when Samantha gets Breast Cancer, she goes and sits at the best oncologist's office until the secretary lets her have an appointment (well of course she does take advantage of her sexy boyfriend). So I go to the cancer center. I go to the receptionist, tell her my situation, I say I need to talk to someone.. She says the doctor's cannot, because of legal issues, I am not their patient yet! And then tears starts falling down my cheeks, she comes out, she sits down with me, she is a breast cancer survivor also. She has young children also, she had triple negative breast cancer also.. so this calms me down a little, but she does say that she had an MRI before her surgery.

After the nonproductive but semi successful trip to the cancer center I go home, Dan goes to work. few hours later I put the girls into the van and we drive to the airport. I realize I don't have any dinner in the house, so I start to heat up water for pasta... It is sooo good to see my sister and mother. We hug.. drive home.. Dan is home by now, my mom and he hug! It makes me happy.. eat dinner, go to sleep.

Next morning my sister and I go to the Surgeon's office. I ask him, can't we do another test, what if it has spread? finally he gives in and says, maybe we can do an U/S on the other breast.. then he talks to the Dr. who had done the original ultrasound and he convinces him that it is better to do an MRI! YAAAY! Why do I want to have another scan before the surgery? because I want to know if there are other tumors in THE breast, I want to know if there is anything in the other breast, so if there is I will have double mastectomy.. Yeah, they will do biopsy on the removed breast, but it could be like looking for a needle in the haystack! They immediately make an appointment for MRI, and we rush over. Of course I do not hear about the results that day, and the surgery is next day.

On Wednesday, I teach my classes in the morning, my sister comes, picks me up and we go to the hospital. Dan arrives. Paperwork.. bloodwork.. IV.. Then we go downstairs to have radioactivity injected into my breast. This is done so that they can find the nearest lymph node easily. The technician is really nice. She holds the syringe, and says this is the sample we are going to inject, it has 0.5mCu!! WOMAN ARE YOU CRAZY!! stay away from it!!! I worked with microCurries of radioactivity in grad school, and we stayed behind the Plexiglas... she "assures' me that it is only a "minuscule" amount of radioactivity. Then takes an autoradiogram of mine, to make sure that it is in the right place.
the OR is a little behind, so the Dr. comes and talks, the anesthesiologist comes and talks.. we wait. finally they take me in. I ask the Dr. "give me a nice scar!" - I had for a while considered reconstruction and he had suggested leaving extra skin to make the reconstruction easier later, but since then I have changed my mind. A breast cancer survivor actually showed me her 'reconstructed' breasts.. I am not sure if I want a breast that is really not mine.. I will think about it later.. So I want a zip-line, no extra skin, no flap..

I go in, I fall asleep, ooh, how I was looking forward to that sleep, I have been so tired. Both physically and emotionally... so it was easy for me. I didn't know how long I stayed in.. But I guess it took longer than expected. Dan and my sister had been worried. The doctor had said that if he finds the sentinel lymph node to contain cancer then he would take out all axillary lymph nodes. So of course that is what is going through their mind. Well, I awaken in the recovery room. My post-op nurse is a breast cancer survivor herself. She had double mastectomy followed by reconstruction. She says they still do not feel like hers.. Finally I get rolled into another room, and there they are. I remember the smile on their faces.. during the quick biopsy they didn't see cancer in the lymph nodes (of course it is important to wait for the longer and more sensitive biopsy).. We go upstairs into the room I will stay in. Dan leaves after a while, so my mom can come to see me.

By the way my mom has been awesome! I cannot imagine one of my girls being sick with cancer or any other serious illness - not now, not when they are 40 years old. I am sure it is hard for my mom, but she is holding up great, she cooks, she does laundry, she takes care of the girls, she is here for us! I am so LUCKY, I am so grateful..

My mom comes, sees me.. Berna takes her back to home after a while and comes back to the hospital to stay overnight. Last time she stayed at the hospital with me was when I had to be hospitalized after Ada's birth because of preeclempsia that I had developed..

They do not feed me - I have not eaten anything for 24 hours now. I am hooked up to a CO2 monitor, once in a while it beeps, I finally figure it out, every time I start falling asleep my breathing slows down/stops (because of the anesthesia that they gave me), so I wake up, start breathing again.. a little after midnight it got better, I could actually sleep a little.. as much as one can sleep in a hospital setting :) The next day the Dr. stops by, talks about the surgery.. he says I can go home, he is surprised they didn't let me eat anything - by now we are past 36 hours.. So in the afternoon I am released, come home, have a light dinner and go to bed. I am sore. there is a huge dressing on my left chest.. sleeping is not easy, I have to lay on my back, I cannot move around easily, but it really isn't as bad as I thought...

The events that happened after that in a shorter version:

- I started taking less and less pain killers, by the 4th day I was down to tylenol
- over the weekend, two friends from college, from my scuba diving club came to visit, it was great. They were in CO for work/skiing, so they sacrificed a day of skiing and came to see me. We talked about old days. My girls danced with them. They were so comfortable, as if they have grown up with them. I was so happy to spend those days with friends.
- On Monday I went back to work, I was sore but OK
- On Monday we went to the Dr. for post-up check-up, and that was the first time I saw him smile. He said that they could not find cancer in the rest of the breast tissue or the lymph nodes. AWESOME NEWS!
- I got confirmation that I got an appointment at MD Anderson Cancer Center for the following week. Bought a plane ticket.
- Went to Houston for 2 weeks. Talked to the oncologist, had several scans done, a few scares.. but finally there were no visible metastasis, and the suggested treatment was 6 months of chemotherapy.
- Came back finally saw an oncologist in town. They agreed to follow the treatment plan that MD Anderson people came up with, got things started, so I could have chemo the following week.
- Last week I got the port put in, out-patient procedure, sore for a few days, but improved quite fast
- and then the chemo started last week.. so now you have all the gaps filled in.. I will for sure remember some other stories to add, but that's later..

How it all started..

This one will be a repeat for some of you, it will help to fill in the holes for others and just a good way of having the whole history down in a compact way.

Sooo, as I turned 40 this fall, my midwife suggested I had a mammogram taken for baseline.. she said no need to rush, just get it done in a few months. Well, I waited a few months and as my parents were visiting us over the holidays, I left the girls with them and ran over the hospital and had it taken (December 29th). (by the way this is not the first time I had mammograms taken, when I was in Grad School, in North Carolina, I had found a painful cyst that they wanted to mammogram and checked with U/S and then aspirated, a few years later I had another cyst, on the other side. This time I was in California, the also did a mammogram and decided to let it run its course, and really it disappeared with time).
The technician who was taking the mammogram warned me that they had these really new, sensitive machines and it is very likely that I might be called back for a few extra shots.. fair enough. But in a couple of weeks I received the report back saying they have not seen anything that looks like cancer. Of course as all medical reports you get, they also had a sentence in there, that was something like this " please be aware that mammograms cannot detect all kinds of cancer and you must continue doing your regular monthly breast examinations". Have you watched "a beautiful mind" the movie about John Nash? Do you remember how some sentences/words would almost elevate out of a text and be almost glowing (when he was looking for some code in the magazines).. Well I had a similar experience where this sentence really caught my eye.

But really I didn't think much about it. Then end of January hit and I felt a little tenderness on my left breast.. I tried to find a lump with no success, but of course the only time I remembered it was when I was in the shower and standing up. Finally a week later or so, I laid down on our bed, and BINGO!! I could feel it, a lump! a pretty big one -- ooh, like a small walnut or so.. and it was quite tender. So right away I made an appointment with my midwife for next week. But I could not go that week, because girls were going through this really nasty flu, so I went the following week.

I went into my midwife's room. Laid down on the table, she touched it and said: Yeah that feels like a cyst, let's go upstairs and show it to the dr's.. But don't worry it is not going to be Cancer!! (another moment of John Nash's glowing words hanging in the air)

We went upstairs, one of the Doctors that I already knew was available, so he examined and said:" oh it feels just like a cyst" I told him that I had them before. So he decided to aspirate it right then and there (wasn't too happy about it because I wasn't psychologically ready for it, but I am an adult, so I did not cry, whine or try to escape.) Instead I laid quietly and let him puncture me twice with a needle and try to aspirate it, nothing came out!! He suggested I go have it done with the aid of an U/S so they scheduled for an US aided aspiration at the hospital in two days.

During this time, Dan is gone on a scientific conference, I am alone with the girls.

Thursday came, I went to the hospital. A technician that I knew previously walked me to the room, we chatted small talk, and then she started looking at the "cyst".. then she went inside and called the Dr. (not a good sign, but the aspiration was going to be done by the Dr. anyway so I didn't think much of it). The Dr. came in, started moving the wand around, and said: " Well, this is not a simple cyst. It is a complex cyst with septations. - I am slightly nauseous at this point - And I see BLOODFLOW " at that point I am breaking into a sweat, my head is turning, and I cannot believe what he is saying. For those of you who don't know: Cysts normally do not have bloodvessels in them. However, Cancer tumors are well know for supplying themselves with bloodvessels so they can be fed well!! So my heart is beating, my brain is going " do I have cancer, could it be really cancer, what am I going to do? i wish Dan was here "...

The Dr. said that we could try to aspirate it and in the meantime he was going to do a needle biopsy, and we would get the results of the biopsy probably by Monday.
Questions from me:
"well, when you go in with the needle, and it IS cancer, wouldn't be spreading the cancer cells around?" A: there isn't much evidence that "seeding" occurs in needle biopsies..
"if the biopsy come out clean, I still do not want this "thing" with its blood vessels in me" A: you are right, it is probably better to get it out

So to cut the story short, I opted for a lumpectomy, hoping that whatever it was, and it wasn't gonna be cancer right, the mammogram was clean, I have had cysts that felt just like this one before...

The US Dr. got me an appointment with a General Surgeon, within half an hour (wow, they are really rushing me, aren't they, I think they are also quite worried)..

I went to the General Surgeon's office, he examined me and said that he didn't think it was a tumor, but probably an infected cyst, and we made an appointment to have it taken out on following Monday (Good, Dan will be here by then).

Over the weekend I tried not to think too much about it. On Monday afternoon, after teaching that day's classes we went into the Surgery Center, checked in, payed the co-pay, had vital signs taken, peed in a cup (just to make sure I am not pregnant), then the Dr. and the anesthesiologist came and talked to us. The plan was, he will cut open, take the lump out, if it looks suspicious they will do a quick biopsy in the OR, otherwise it will be sent to the lab. So I went in, and slept, that was nice... Poor Dan was outside waiting with Deniz. When I finally came out, we were told that the "thing" did not look like a normal tumor, but it also didn't look like a cyst and it was sent to biopsy (I later read in the surgery report that they did do a quick biopsy on it, and it looked benign).

Before the surgery I had told both of my sisters, but chose not to tell my parents yet, Didn't want to worry them yet. Hey as soon as the good results came back, we would tell them, that it really wasn't nothing..

They had told us that on Wednesday I should call the office. On Wednesday I called them 4 times! I was told, that they Dr. needs to sign off on the papers before they can tell me what it is, finally late in the afternoon I found out that the Dr. wasn't even in the whole day, it was his surgery day! (couldn't they tell me that earlier, so I could breathe?)

On Thursday I called in the Morning and then early afternoon, same response. By then, I thought, well, it must be nothing, otherwise they would call me and let me know ASAP so we can move forward.
second part to come in a day or soo...

day after first chemo

Well, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.. I walked to the cancer center from campus, so I could get my daily exercise done (I assumed that it would be harder after chemo, and boy I was right), it was a nice walk. Except in the first 10 minutes I remembered that I had to put a numbing cream on my port, so that when they put the needle in it wouldn't hurt that much. I had planned to do that in the privacy of my office (which I couldn't go in yesterday because I forgot my college keys at home) but I could have done it in the restroom if I had remembered it on time.. Sooo, in the middle of the road, I took down my bags, took out the cream plus the saran wrap that I was supposed to put on out of my purse, pulled down my shirt, and smeared the cream over the port, it got pretty messy, because the place the port is located on my chest is barely visible even when I make my eyes crosseyed and look down. But I got it, the people living next to the house, where I was doing most of this application were a little worried but they did not bother me. So I finished up my walk, not a bad one at all, but I think next time I will choose one of the calmer streets to minimize the exhaust gas that I had to inhale.

My sister arrived at the same time as me, we checked in and waited. The nurse who came to pick me up happened to be the only "male" nurse who works in the chemo ward. Very nice person! very funny also... I changed the long sleeved shirt that I had one for another that had a good access to the port. He took my vitals (i.e. blood pressure, temperature, etc.), then prepared the needle that was supposed to go into my port. To be honest I was a little scared that it was going to hurt, but NO!! Thanks to EMLA cream, I did not feel a thing. then he covered it all, and hooked me up to benadryl, some steroid, and another thing that I cannot remember right now. Orally I was given Ativan. And let me tell you, within 3 minutes of all of these, I felt like I had drank a glass of wine in one gulp! I felt so loopy (I still feel a little like that). When the premeds were done we moved to the real stuff "Taxol", and that went like a breeze.
The chaplain of the cancer center, who happened to be a new friend's sister in law, came by to chat and we exchanged stories.. my sister sat next to me and read her stuff, and I tried to watch a TV show, but could not even follow that,.. I was hoping that I could get some work done, but no sir! it is not going to happen...

Anyway as soon as I got home I decided to take a nap, which ended up much longer than I thought, and then had a great nights sleep. So far no nausea, no headache.. most side effects I got are from the premeds..

Next week will be full of other appointments, shrink, physical therapist, oncologist and then chemo again... I am so glad that my family is here to give all the support that they give, it would have been very hard to arrange the kids schedule and mine, and keep the house going.. I feel very lucky..

Anyway love to you all...

finally, I start

So.. I have been meaning to start a blog for over a month now, but life has been hectic (as most of you know).. By the way I apologize from my Turkish family and friends that I will be writing in English, because y'all can read and understand English, but none of my American friends can read Turkish AND I do not want to write two blogs at once..

So first an update: On Monday (April 4th) I had my port put in. For those of you who don't know what it is: It is basically a plastic/silicon half-sphere that gets inserted on my chest - right below my right collarbone. It is attached to a long (about 20 cm - I will write in English, but please do not make me use inches :) ), tube which is inserted into one of my big veins. The way the surgeon explained it is as follows: Because the drugs that they will give you is so toxic to your veins, we want them to go where the flow rate is high, so they get distributed into your body quickly and do not sit in one area for a long time. Plus, that half spherical silicon will allow them to put the needle in with not too much pain (please be assured, that silicon thing is UNDER my skin, so they will puncture the skin everytime they put the needle in for the infusion). Plus it may have the perk that I may not have to be double poked because the blood that they need to draw before each chemo can be taken out from the same spot, yaaaay! :)

Today I have an appointment with the oncologist nurse, then with my oncologist, and then I will have an echo cardiogram taken. Because, as the oncologist put it: one of the drugs that I will be given is toxic to my heart, so they want to see the baseline function and will be able to compare it during the treatment and see how much of my heart function I might lose. Oh, well..

Then tomorrow is the big day! I will start with the first of 12 sessions of Taxol! once a week, twelve weeks.. For the scientist geek friends of mine Taxol is a microtubule inhibitor, so it will inhibit any dividing cells from dividing, and maybe even convince them to commit suicide (apoptosis). It is not supposed too bad in terms of side effects. It is very likely that I will lose my hair (and that is hair ALL over my body - not just my head like my students thought), and my blood counts may go a little down but hopefully not too much. Also I am not supposed to feel so bad that I will have to spend days in bed.

Anyway I better stop here, gotto go to a lecture, I will try to continue later and hopefully fill in the gaps.. It is a BEAUTIFUL day outside..