This one will be a repeat for some of you, it will help to fill in the holes for others and just a good way of having the whole history down in a compact way.
Sooo, as I turned 40 this fall, my midwife suggested I had a mammogram taken for baseline.. she said no need to rush, just get it done in a few months. Well, I waited a few months and as my parents were visiting us over the holidays, I left the girls with them and ran over the hospital and had it taken (December 29th). (by the way this is not the first time I had mammograms taken, when I was in Grad School, in North Carolina, I had found a painful cyst that they wanted to mammogram and checked with U/S and then aspirated, a few years later I had another cyst, on the other side. This time I was in California, the also did a mammogram and decided to let it run its course, and really it disappeared with time).
The technician who was taking the mammogram warned me that they had these really new, sensitive machines and it is very likely that I might be called back for a few extra shots.. fair enough. But in a couple of weeks I received the report back saying they have not seen anything that looks like cancer. Of course as all medical reports you get, they also had a sentence in there, that was something like this " please be aware that mammograms cannot detect all kinds of cancer and you must continue doing your regular monthly breast examinations". Have you watched "a beautiful mind" the movie about John Nash? Do you remember how some sentences/words would almost elevate out of a text and be almost glowing (when he was looking for some code in the magazines).. Well I had a similar experience where this sentence really caught my eye.
But really I didn't think much about it. Then end of January hit and I felt a little tenderness on my left breast.. I tried to find a lump with no success, but of course the only time I remembered it was when I was in the shower and standing up. Finally a week later or so, I laid down on our bed, and BINGO!! I could feel it, a lump! a pretty big one -- ooh, like a small walnut or so.. and it was quite tender. So right away I made an appointment with my midwife for next week. But I could not go that week, because girls were going through this really nasty flu, so I went the following week.
I went into my midwife's room. Laid down on the table, she touched it and said: Yeah that feels like a cyst, let's go upstairs and show it to the dr's.. But don't worry it is not going to be Cancer!! (another moment of John Nash's glowing words hanging in the air)
We went upstairs, one of the Doctors that I already knew was available, so he examined and said:" oh it feels just like a cyst" I told him that I had them before. So he decided to aspirate it right then and there (wasn't too happy about it because I wasn't psychologically ready for it, but I am an adult, so I did not cry, whine or try to escape.) Instead I laid quietly and let him puncture me twice with a needle and try to aspirate it, nothing came out!! He suggested I go have it done with the aid of an U/S so they scheduled for an US aided aspiration at the hospital in two days.
During this time, Dan is gone on a scientific conference, I am alone with the girls.
Thursday came, I went to the hospital. A technician that I knew previously walked me to the room, we chatted small talk, and then she started looking at the "cyst".. then she went inside and called the Dr. (not a good sign, but the aspiration was going to be done by the Dr. anyway so I didn't think much of it). The Dr. came in, started moving the wand around, and said: " Well, this is not a simple cyst. It is a complex cyst with septations. - I am slightly nauseous at this point - And I see BLOODFLOW " at that point I am breaking into a sweat, my head is turning, and I cannot believe what he is saying. For those of you who don't know: Cysts normally do not have bloodvessels in them. However, Cancer tumors are well know for supplying themselves with bloodvessels so they can be fed well!! So my heart is beating, my brain is going " do I have cancer, could it be really cancer, what am I going to do? i wish Dan was here "...
The Dr. said that we could try to aspirate it and in the meantime he was going to do a needle biopsy, and we would get the results of the biopsy probably by Monday.
Questions from me:
"well, when you go in with the needle, and it IS cancer, wouldn't be spreading the cancer cells around?" A: there isn't much evidence that "seeding" occurs in needle biopsies..
"if the biopsy come out clean, I still do not want this "thing" with its blood vessels in me" A: you are right, it is probably better to get it out
So to cut the story short, I opted for a lumpectomy, hoping that whatever it was, and it wasn't gonna be cancer right, the mammogram was clean, I have had cysts that felt just like this one before...
The US Dr. got me an appointment with a General Surgeon, within half an hour (wow, they are really rushing me, aren't they, I think they are also quite worried)..
I went to the General Surgeon's office, he examined me and said that he didn't think it was a tumor, but probably an infected cyst, and we made an appointment to have it taken out on following Monday (Good, Dan will be here by then).
Over the weekend I tried not to think too much about it. On Monday afternoon, after teaching that day's classes we went into the Surgery Center, checked in, payed the co-pay, had vital signs taken, peed in a cup (just to make sure I am not pregnant), then the Dr. and the anesthesiologist came and talked to us. The plan was, he will cut open, take the lump out, if it looks suspicious they will do a quick biopsy in the OR, otherwise it will be sent to the lab. So I went in, and slept, that was nice... Poor Dan was outside waiting with Deniz. When I finally came out, we were told that the "thing" did not look like a normal tumor, but it also didn't look like a cyst and it was sent to biopsy (I later read in the surgery report that they did do a quick biopsy on it, and it looked benign).
Before the surgery I had told both of my sisters, but chose not to tell my parents yet, Didn't want to worry them yet. Hey as soon as the good results came back, we would tell them, that it really wasn't nothing..
They had told us that on Wednesday I should call the office. On Wednesday I called them 4 times! I was told, that they Dr. needs to sign off on the papers before they can tell me what it is, finally late in the afternoon I found out that the Dr. wasn't even in the whole day, it was his surgery day! (couldn't they tell me that earlier, so I could breathe?)
On Thursday I called in the Morning and then early afternoon, same response. By then, I thought, well, it must be nothing, otherwise they would call me and let me know ASAP so we can move forward.
second part to come in a day or soo...
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