of chemotherapy that is..
I feel much much better! I enjoy food again, my energy levels are up enough to be exercising everyday... My cold is still with me though. I cannot hear well from my left side, but the ENT said that it had fluid inside and the ear drum was concave, so it cannot vibrate as it should and does not transmit the sound to the inner ear. He did NOT give antibiotics because it did not look infected, just a decongestant nose spray that I have used for 5 days. I am still taking the antifungal medicine because my mouth/tongue feels weird when I do not.. So I am guessing tomorrow when they check my blood values the WBCs won't be high enough yet. I also do not have high hopes for my liver enzymes. Don't get me wrong I am not trying to be pessimistic but rather realistic. My liver enzymes were bad before I got the last cycle of chemo, and how could it be any better??? It got hit again with chemo. Granted I did avoid tylenol and took ibuprofen when I had to, but there were so many other medicines that I had to take especially the first week of chemo.. so I will give my liver another month or so to recover.
Last weekend Dan and I did our "anniversary" celebration finally. Thanks to my parents who took care of the girls while we were gone. Well, "gone" is not entirely true, because we stayed in Grand Junction! Saturday night we had a wonderful dinner, checked in at a downtown hotel (the receptionist was one of my students - yes, we live in a small town :) ), and then had a walk down the main street. It was amazing, people were out walking, there was live music at several bars. It almost reminded me of Chapel Hill, which is a true College town. But I have a feeling with our student body growing and Mesa State College becoming Colorado Mesa University Grand Junction will become more and more livelier. Our bed at the hotel was awesome, it was a tempurapedic mattress, OMG, it was soo comfortable and did not move on the otherside when one of us tossed and turned in the bed. Aaand of course there were no kids who got thirsty or had an urge to go to potty in the middle of the night. We slept through the night which is almost unheard of these days. For breakfast we went to a cafe on main street, that I had never seen before, sat outside, it was WONDERFUL. Later in the day I dragged Dan to dig out antlions from our backyard (for our BIOL101 Labs) and also to a trail head to see what kind of plants I could collect from there (again for the lab review). Then we went on a 2 hour hike towards the independence monument in the Colorado national Monument. Well, in short it was a wonderful 20 hours, lots of sleep, rest, peace and fresh air in the outdoors. We should do this every year :)!!
So what else on the cancer front...
I saw my surgeon who did my surgeries in February and March, he thought that my scar looked good and we scheduled the second mastectomy for December 22nd. For those of you who do not know about this, do not panic, it is a precautionary mastectomy, I just want to have the second breast out so I do not need to worry about it. The doctors told me that my risk for breast cancer (an independent one from the one that I got this year) increases 1% every year. If I can help it I would like to avoid getting cancer in any way. Plus after this surgery I won't feel lopsided any more :). Ada was a little upset about this news but when I told her that I would have TWO delicate meme (prosthetic breasts) she got really excited :)
I saw my dentist again and he measured the brown spot in my mouth. It was the same size, yaaay! He also came up with an explanation of why I might have gotten it. He said that maybe during my surgeries when they shoved all those tubes down my throat they irritated my upper palate and that irritation caused hyperpigmentation. I also saw my ENT afterwards and talked to him more about it. He doesn't think it is cancerous (99%), he said we could do a puncture biopsy, but I am waiting to talk to my oncologist about this first. Because with a puncture biopsy or even if they remove the spot with a surgery there is a risk of spreading the cancer (if it is cancerous), the only way of doing it safely is removing an extra centimeter around the spot, that that is a huge area off my mouth that would be removed - major surgery, tough recovery. So we'll see what the oncologist says tomorrow.
Well, I decided to participate in a "walk" for breast cancer. It is called Making strides for Breast cancer and is organized by the American Cancer Society. The purpose is to bring breast cancer survivors together, raise awareness and also raise funds for research and other things that ACS does. I had written a grant to ACS (and other institutions) many years ago so they would fund my research, now I am hoping to raise funds so they can support other researchers who hopefully could find new cures for this beast! Also I have gotten so much support from ACS, like two of my wigs, my delicate meme, one of my mastectomy bras, the Look good, feel better session where they taught us how to do makeup (i.e. paint in eyebrows, etc), I feel like they should have the money to continue doing all that for others who get diagnosed. Soo, long story cut short, if you would like to donate some money, go to: https://secure3.convio.net/tacs/site/Donation2?df_id=1009506&PROXY_ID=22005483&PROXY_TYPE=20&FR_ID=36074&s_subsrc=565769027&s_src=boundlessfundraising. I have already raised $155, thanks to my friends and family, and my goal is to raise $200, so only $45s more and I will be there :). If the link doesn't work let me know.
OK, tomorrow is my check up, mostly blood work. It is also the day my dad is leaving (and my mom leave on Saturday). It will be weird not to have them with us, we had gotten used to have 3 generations in the house. I think it was very good for the girls (and for my parents) to spend time together and get to know each other much much better than they would have in shorter visits. Of course it was great for me to have their support, love and care 24/7. My mom will be back in December to watch the girls when we travel to Houston for another set of CT scans and then for the mastectomy. It is good to know that she will be back soon.
I will try to put up an update regarding the blood work tomorrow evening.
Love to you all!
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Sunday, September 18, 2011
yaaay, the first week after chemo is done!
Thank you everyone for your emails and phone calls. It has been very nice to hear from so many of you.. Kind of like having a graduation :)..
Well, during the week I was pretty tired and nauseated. But I went to work every day and taught my classes. Yesterday was another tired day, I spend half of the day in bed. I even had my mom bring me my lunch to the bed - I am soooo spoiled :). In the afternoon we went to our department picnic, and then to Deniz's ballet teachers house. The ballet teacher invited most of her students and their families to their house (something like 65 people), and Deniz was the only ballerina from the young kids class. So we felt like it was an honor to be invited and went. BUT it rained, like cats and dogs. I got soaked down to my underware (OK OK TMI). so we apologized and left after the first 10 minutes. But Deniz, who had been a little worried about this unknown "party" got very sad to leave, so as soon as we got home, she changed into dry clothes and went back to the party with Dan. It turns out they did the whole Hawaiian dances routine, and Deniz got to dance their "hula baby" dance all by herself! I am sad I missed it, I was so proud of her to get in front of a whole bunch of people, and sing and dance all by herself (usually they do the dance with at least 10-12 girls).
This morning I woke up with much more energy. We had a nice breakfast at home, then went to the Arches National park. My mom had never been to Arches, so I wanted to show it to her before they left. It was a beautiful day, perfect temperature, very nice hike! I am so glad we did it. I will post pictures later ( it is past midnight and I HAVE to sleep).
As soon as we got back we prepped dinner, and had Dan's father over (as every Sunday). After dinner, I put on my wedding dress, my wig and the girls wore their nice dresses so we had a short reenactment of our wedding (oh, yeah, today was our 8th anniversary). Dan and I danced a little, and then Deniz and I did the Hula baby for the grandparents.
As soon as I got the girls to bed, I graded some of the exams from last week, and entered them in the system. Not too bad, right?
I do have an occasional bone pain here and there, but nothing like last cycle - I guess Claritin did her number, this time. I finally enjoyed my dinner tonight (first meal that seemed to taste good for the last 10 days). I know we will have challenges of all kinds in life but please please please let us have put cancer in the past..
Wishing you all a great week!
Well, during the week I was pretty tired and nauseated. But I went to work every day and taught my classes. Yesterday was another tired day, I spend half of the day in bed. I even had my mom bring me my lunch to the bed - I am soooo spoiled :). In the afternoon we went to our department picnic, and then to Deniz's ballet teachers house. The ballet teacher invited most of her students and their families to their house (something like 65 people), and Deniz was the only ballerina from the young kids class. So we felt like it was an honor to be invited and went. BUT it rained, like cats and dogs. I got soaked down to my underware (OK OK TMI). so we apologized and left after the first 10 minutes. But Deniz, who had been a little worried about this unknown "party" got very sad to leave, so as soon as we got home, she changed into dry clothes and went back to the party with Dan. It turns out they did the whole Hawaiian dances routine, and Deniz got to dance their "hula baby" dance all by herself! I am sad I missed it, I was so proud of her to get in front of a whole bunch of people, and sing and dance all by herself (usually they do the dance with at least 10-12 girls).
This morning I woke up with much more energy. We had a nice breakfast at home, then went to the Arches National park. My mom had never been to Arches, so I wanted to show it to her before they left. It was a beautiful day, perfect temperature, very nice hike! I am so glad we did it. I will post pictures later ( it is past midnight and I HAVE to sleep).
As soon as we got back we prepped dinner, and had Dan's father over (as every Sunday). After dinner, I put on my wedding dress, my wig and the girls wore their nice dresses so we had a short reenactment of our wedding (oh, yeah, today was our 8th anniversary). Dan and I danced a little, and then Deniz and I did the Hula baby for the grandparents.
As soon as I got the girls to bed, I graded some of the exams from last week, and entered them in the system. Not too bad, right?
I do have an occasional bone pain here and there, but nothing like last cycle - I guess Claritin did her number, this time. I finally enjoyed my dinner tonight (first meal that seemed to taste good for the last 10 days). I know we will have challenges of all kinds in life but please please please let us have put cancer in the past..
Wishing you all a great week!
Monday, September 12, 2011
I am DONE, stick a fork in me!
This is an American phrase that I learned in Grad school. My friend Julie tried so hard to help me understand it. I think I kind of got it now. Well I am done! I took the last chemo this morning. I was very nauseous and anxious this morning. But I felt better after it was done. They gave me a little "graduation" present (mostly information on "survivorship", an Armstrong "livestrong" bracelet, a little heartshaped thing that can be a christmas ornament but is also wildflower seeds and can be planted). I got hugs from my favorite nurses, a card from all the nurses and my doctor.
Then I went to work and taught my class. Thankfully one of my colleagues has offered to teach the lab in the afternoon, so I came home early and went to bed. Before sleeping though, I ATE!! I actually felt a little hungry, such a great feeling :). The nurse in the morning had forgotten to give me the steroids so I had to get them from the pharmacy and took them when I got home. I hope that they will help me feel better tomorrow.
As of today I enter a new territory. Up to this point I was "doing something" i.e. getting chemotherapy. Now I eat well, I exercise, keep a positive outlook, make the most of every day... But isn't this what we all should be doing anyway, everyday? My students have been great so far, some of them have shared that they have fought this beast themselves or have a family member that had it. Some of them shared their other health problems, and what makes me realize is that we all have health problems, some people have diabetes, some heart disease, some really rare genetic diseases, but here we are going through the everyday issues, trying to make a living, enjoying our family, our jobs.
I also wanted to tell you how much I have appreciated your support! Everytime I hear from one of you it makes me smile, I feel happy that I have such great family and friends. So please keep it coming..
I WILL feel better tomorrow! And everyday will be better than the one before! (at least for the next week or so :) )
Sending you all lots of love!
Then I went to work and taught my class. Thankfully one of my colleagues has offered to teach the lab in the afternoon, so I came home early and went to bed. Before sleeping though, I ATE!! I actually felt a little hungry, such a great feeling :). The nurse in the morning had forgotten to give me the steroids so I had to get them from the pharmacy and took them when I got home. I hope that they will help me feel better tomorrow.
As of today I enter a new territory. Up to this point I was "doing something" i.e. getting chemotherapy. Now I eat well, I exercise, keep a positive outlook, make the most of every day... But isn't this what we all should be doing anyway, everyday? My students have been great so far, some of them have shared that they have fought this beast themselves or have a family member that had it. Some of them shared their other health problems, and what makes me realize is that we all have health problems, some people have diabetes, some heart disease, some really rare genetic diseases, but here we are going through the everyday issues, trying to make a living, enjoying our family, our jobs.
I also wanted to tell you how much I have appreciated your support! Everytime I hear from one of you it makes me smile, I feel happy that I have such great family and friends. So please keep it coming..
I WILL feel better tomorrow! And everyday will be better than the one before! (at least for the next week or so :) )
Sending you all lots of love!
Friday, September 9, 2011
last FEC - check!
I am home. Got the last FEC infusion in the morning. Talked to the doctor about many things: we'll just watch the black spot in my mouth for now. I will have a mammogram done on my right breast before the second mastectomy to make sure there is no cancer in that one either. She wants to see me again in 3 weeks, we'll do blood tests to see where I am. Todays blood tests came a little off. I am slightly anemic, my ANC was 1400 (it actually has be 1500 but they went ahead anyway. My liver markers were a little high - she said it could be due to chemo drugs and also all that tylenol that I took for bone pain. So this time if I have bone pain I am to use advil/ibuprofen,
So after the appointment in three weeks, we will see each other every 3 months for the following 2 years, after that it will be every 6 months. Really there won't be any blood tests, scans etc. they are basically looking for any syptom that may suggest metastasis (mostly bone, liver and lungs, to a lesser extent to brain).
Right now I am praying that the liver values will get better soon and we won't have to go after liver metastasis.
I am really tired and drugged, thanks to Ativan. But I was also very anxious so I do welcome Ativan to calm me down a little and make today go faster and easier.
Monday I have to go back to take the second shot of 5-FU, and then on Tuesday I will have the Neulasta shot (I was given the option of not taking it but with the cold/flu season approaching I think I will take it- it would suck if I survived breast cancer but got hit by a stupid infection that my body cannot fight.
Oh, and I was given permission to have a glass of wine occasionally - she said everything in moderation. Well I never drank that much anyway, so I will so savor that first glass of red wine (but I am thinking of postponing it until after the liver values become normal)
OK I better get back to sleep. I will give you more updates as they come up.
Have a wonderful weekend, and have some delicious food and wonderful drinks for me!
So after the appointment in three weeks, we will see each other every 3 months for the following 2 years, after that it will be every 6 months. Really there won't be any blood tests, scans etc. they are basically looking for any syptom that may suggest metastasis (mostly bone, liver and lungs, to a lesser extent to brain).
Right now I am praying that the liver values will get better soon and we won't have to go after liver metastasis.
I am really tired and drugged, thanks to Ativan. But I was also very anxious so I do welcome Ativan to calm me down a little and make today go faster and easier.
Monday I have to go back to take the second shot of 5-FU, and then on Tuesday I will have the Neulasta shot (I was given the option of not taking it but with the cold/flu season approaching I think I will take it- it would suck if I survived breast cancer but got hit by a stupid infection that my body cannot fight.
Oh, and I was given permission to have a glass of wine occasionally - she said everything in moderation. Well I never drank that much anyway, so I will so savor that first glass of red wine (but I am thinking of postponing it until after the liver values become normal)
OK I better get back to sleep. I will give you more updates as they come up.
Have a wonderful weekend, and have some delicious food and wonderful drinks for me!
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
as I approach the last chemo
OK I owe you all an update, since I haven't written for so long.
First of all, the side effects hit early and hard. I spent most of the weekend in bed. And on Monday when I had to go back to get the second half of 5-FU, I was feeling pretty bad. Nausea, fatigue and just not wanting to get more poisons injected into my body made my feet go backwards. But I did. And then at noon I taught my first class of the semester!
The first week of classes went fine, surprisingly (or maybe not so much) the excitement of the new school year made me move forward. I also think the omeprazole that the oncologist prescribed helped a lot with the nausea. Omeprazole is a proton pump inhibitor and basically stops acid secretion into your stomach. It makes sense, the way she explained it.. just like my mouth and skin, the inside of my digestive tract gets sores, and is very sensitive, now on top of it if you get all that acid it really makes your stomach icky... I used it for a week and then stopped. I have been virtually drug free for almost 2 weeks. I may start again tomorrow for preparation of the last chemo.
Last week I decided to go to an ENT specialist because of the ear ache I had and also because sometimes I feel like there is something in my throat. The doctor couldn't see anything in my ears but said it could be fungal since Nystatin made it go away. However, he DID see a black spot in my mouth, on my upper gum towards the back. I had seen it before, I am not sure when, and it had not caused me too much worry. Well, he said it could be MELANOMA!! really?? people, I do not need another cancer. So needless to say I freaked out quite a bit, I am still freaked out about it a little. I saw my dentist a few days later (we were there for Deniz), so I asked him if he had noticed it before, he checked his notes and said that he had not. He was more worried than the ENT (the ENT said that it could be like a freckle but I should keep an eye on it, and if it changed shape, color etc to come back). So now I will go back to the dentist in the end of the month so he can measure it again and make sure that it is not growing. The good thing is that it is not elevated, is only one color, is fairly symmetrical, it is a little too big, 3-4 mm by 7 mm, but does not have bunch of blood vessels around it which would indicate a cancerous growth. So please please please pray for me that it is nothing serious. I will ask the oncologist on Friday, maybe we can have it removed after I am done with chemo.. not that I am crazy about having an oral surgery but it is better than worrying about it.
Another thing happened on day 10 ( 5 days after the Neulasta shot). We were having a pretty stressful weekend because Dan's father fell that Saturday, it took three of us to get him up. He really was not doing well, and we spent the whole weekend looking for an assisted living place for him. On Sunday I started feeling this almost burning sensation in my chest, ribcage, then the ache/pain went to my backbone. I thought that maybe I was having an anxiety attack, but it seemed more like bone pain. Finally I called my oncologist and she thought that it probably is Neulasta's side effect (which I had not experienced the last time I had it). She said that some people don't feel anything, others have to go on IV morphine and most people are somewhere in between. She also said that if the pain does not subside in 4-5 days we should start worrying about other things (i.e. bone metastasis) - Can I say YUCK! again! - Well, the good thing is that I could make the pain go away by taking 500 mg of tylenol every 4 hours. I did not sleep well that Sunday night so on Monday night I took half a Vicodin and had the most wonderful sleep and the pain went away after Tuesday.
This week is supposed to be my "good week" but I caught a cold (and I cannot even blame Deniz or Ada for bringing it home). First it started as a sore throat, then a little cough and today my nose has been dripping constantly. My typical, beginning of the semester cold. And I was trying to be so careful, washing my hands constantly, using hand sanitizers, etc. Oh well, now I hope that I will be well enough so they can give me chemo on Friday. I don't have a fever so that is good, but I do worry what would happen if my white blood cells really plummeted.
I just want this thing to be over, be done with cancer, be done with chemo and have a normal life again. I know it will never be "normal" like before but I would love to put this behind me and feel healthy and good again. I have an appointment at the end of December for another CT scan, I will go to Houston (MD Anderson) again, and see my oncologist there. After that I would like to get the second mastectomy done. Sometimes I wonder if I should have a reconstructive surgery but the more I hear about it the more I decide against it. It is not one but several serious surgeries. First they put in an expander between your ribs and your muscle, then you go in every few weeks so they pump saline into the expander and stretch the skin. After several months you go back in and they take out the expander and put in a saline or silicone implant. After a few months they finally find their spot in your body, so now they can do another surgery to reconstruct the nipples. After that heals you go in for a tattoo job for the pigmentation of the nipple. And if there is not enough skin to expand sometimes they take skin from your back and transfer it to the front. That does sound pretty elaborate doesn't it. And I have heard enough bad stories that I really am afraid of it all. Some women are just flat chested, and I guess I will be one of them :)
Oh, I almost forgot to write what happened today. I went to a Podiatrist because my two big toe nails were coming loose and they started smelling really bad. As a matter of fact they were smelling so bad that before I figured out that the smell came from my toes I thought part of my body was decomposing (I know I know I am freaked out a little, but wouldn't you be?). The way I discovered where the smell was coming (I had an extra urge to find out after Ada hugged me one day and then stood back pinching her nose and said that I smelled bad) was because of the bandaids that I had been putting on my toes so the nail would come loose more. I guess keeping a bandaid over it made it worse and caused a fungal infection. Today the podiatrist said that I had fungal infections in/on/under some of the toe nails (mostly due to the suppressed immune system because of chemo and partly because of the nails being banged in my hiking boots in July, I guess fungus loves dried up blood). He cut off half of my left big toe (GROSS!); he said once the nails fall off they may or may not grow back - OK so I won't have a breast reconstruction so maybe I could have a fake toe nail put in??? I will have to use anti-fungal creams on my nails for at least a year because they are so hard to get rid of.
So I have about 36 hours to get well enough to take my last chemo. I won't say I am excited because I really dread the awful feeling afterwards but I WILL DO it, I CAN do it, as Ada says: I am a Hercule (she thinks Hercules is plural so when she talks about a single person she says Hercule). Please keep your prayers, positive thoughts, energy coming this way, I really appreciate them all.
Wish me STRENGTH! (not luck, as a dear friend wrote)
Have a fantastic week!
P.S. on a positive note: I DID start getting a little of eye brows, they are really short, but at least they guide me when I paint my eyebrows with my little brush. I also have extra short eyelashes but they make my eyes look more normal.
First of all, the side effects hit early and hard. I spent most of the weekend in bed. And on Monday when I had to go back to get the second half of 5-FU, I was feeling pretty bad. Nausea, fatigue and just not wanting to get more poisons injected into my body made my feet go backwards. But I did. And then at noon I taught my first class of the semester!
The first week of classes went fine, surprisingly (or maybe not so much) the excitement of the new school year made me move forward. I also think the omeprazole that the oncologist prescribed helped a lot with the nausea. Omeprazole is a proton pump inhibitor and basically stops acid secretion into your stomach. It makes sense, the way she explained it.. just like my mouth and skin, the inside of my digestive tract gets sores, and is very sensitive, now on top of it if you get all that acid it really makes your stomach icky... I used it for a week and then stopped. I have been virtually drug free for almost 2 weeks. I may start again tomorrow for preparation of the last chemo.
Last week I decided to go to an ENT specialist because of the ear ache I had and also because sometimes I feel like there is something in my throat. The doctor couldn't see anything in my ears but said it could be fungal since Nystatin made it go away. However, he DID see a black spot in my mouth, on my upper gum towards the back. I had seen it before, I am not sure when, and it had not caused me too much worry. Well, he said it could be MELANOMA!! really?? people, I do not need another cancer. So needless to say I freaked out quite a bit, I am still freaked out about it a little. I saw my dentist a few days later (we were there for Deniz), so I asked him if he had noticed it before, he checked his notes and said that he had not. He was more worried than the ENT (the ENT said that it could be like a freckle but I should keep an eye on it, and if it changed shape, color etc to come back). So now I will go back to the dentist in the end of the month so he can measure it again and make sure that it is not growing. The good thing is that it is not elevated, is only one color, is fairly symmetrical, it is a little too big, 3-4 mm by 7 mm, but does not have bunch of blood vessels around it which would indicate a cancerous growth. So please please please pray for me that it is nothing serious. I will ask the oncologist on Friday, maybe we can have it removed after I am done with chemo.. not that I am crazy about having an oral surgery but it is better than worrying about it.
Another thing happened on day 10 ( 5 days after the Neulasta shot). We were having a pretty stressful weekend because Dan's father fell that Saturday, it took three of us to get him up. He really was not doing well, and we spent the whole weekend looking for an assisted living place for him. On Sunday I started feeling this almost burning sensation in my chest, ribcage, then the ache/pain went to my backbone. I thought that maybe I was having an anxiety attack, but it seemed more like bone pain. Finally I called my oncologist and she thought that it probably is Neulasta's side effect (which I had not experienced the last time I had it). She said that some people don't feel anything, others have to go on IV morphine and most people are somewhere in between. She also said that if the pain does not subside in 4-5 days we should start worrying about other things (i.e. bone metastasis) - Can I say YUCK! again! - Well, the good thing is that I could make the pain go away by taking 500 mg of tylenol every 4 hours. I did not sleep well that Sunday night so on Monday night I took half a Vicodin and had the most wonderful sleep and the pain went away after Tuesday.
This week is supposed to be my "good week" but I caught a cold (and I cannot even blame Deniz or Ada for bringing it home). First it started as a sore throat, then a little cough and today my nose has been dripping constantly. My typical, beginning of the semester cold. And I was trying to be so careful, washing my hands constantly, using hand sanitizers, etc. Oh well, now I hope that I will be well enough so they can give me chemo on Friday. I don't have a fever so that is good, but I do worry what would happen if my white blood cells really plummeted.
I just want this thing to be over, be done with cancer, be done with chemo and have a normal life again. I know it will never be "normal" like before but I would love to put this behind me and feel healthy and good again. I have an appointment at the end of December for another CT scan, I will go to Houston (MD Anderson) again, and see my oncologist there. After that I would like to get the second mastectomy done. Sometimes I wonder if I should have a reconstructive surgery but the more I hear about it the more I decide against it. It is not one but several serious surgeries. First they put in an expander between your ribs and your muscle, then you go in every few weeks so they pump saline into the expander and stretch the skin. After several months you go back in and they take out the expander and put in a saline or silicone implant. After a few months they finally find their spot in your body, so now they can do another surgery to reconstruct the nipples. After that heals you go in for a tattoo job for the pigmentation of the nipple. And if there is not enough skin to expand sometimes they take skin from your back and transfer it to the front. That does sound pretty elaborate doesn't it. And I have heard enough bad stories that I really am afraid of it all. Some women are just flat chested, and I guess I will be one of them :)
Oh, I almost forgot to write what happened today. I went to a Podiatrist because my two big toe nails were coming loose and they started smelling really bad. As a matter of fact they were smelling so bad that before I figured out that the smell came from my toes I thought part of my body was decomposing (I know I know I am freaked out a little, but wouldn't you be?). The way I discovered where the smell was coming (I had an extra urge to find out after Ada hugged me one day and then stood back pinching her nose and said that I smelled bad) was because of the bandaids that I had been putting on my toes so the nail would come loose more. I guess keeping a bandaid over it made it worse and caused a fungal infection. Today the podiatrist said that I had fungal infections in/on/under some of the toe nails (mostly due to the suppressed immune system because of chemo and partly because of the nails being banged in my hiking boots in July, I guess fungus loves dried up blood). He cut off half of my left big toe (GROSS!); he said once the nails fall off they may or may not grow back - OK so I won't have a breast reconstruction so maybe I could have a fake toe nail put in??? I will have to use anti-fungal creams on my nails for at least a year because they are so hard to get rid of.
So I have about 36 hours to get well enough to take my last chemo. I won't say I am excited because I really dread the awful feeling afterwards but I WILL DO it, I CAN do it, as Ada says: I am a Hercule (she thinks Hercules is plural so when she talks about a single person she says Hercule). Please keep your prayers, positive thoughts, energy coming this way, I really appreciate them all.
Wish me STRENGTH! (not luck, as a dear friend wrote)
Have a fantastic week!
P.S. on a positive note: I DID start getting a little of eye brows, they are really short, but at least they guide me when I paint my eyebrows with my little brush. I also have extra short eyelashes but they make my eyes look more normal.
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