A year ago today..

I was told, I had cancer. One year. 12 months. 3 surgeries. 16 chemo sessions. 2 semesters- teaching full time. 1 beautiful summer with my family. Countless scans. Sleepless nights. Hairless months. Blood tests. A family vacation. Many ballet performances. Cards, emails, phone calls from friends and family, near and far. Acupuncture. Tai Chi. Hikes. Visits to counselor. Prayers. Fear. Relief. Pink eyes. Birthday parties. Visits from old friends. Wigs. Hats. Jumping on the trampoline. New friends. Books, books, books. Painting eye brows. Two visits to Houston. Anniversary. Sisters. So many cooked meals from friends and neighbors. Green tea. Brown rice. Whole grain. Fatigue. Naps. Watching "Friends" while riding the bike. Anxiety. Learn to deal with anxiety. Meditation. Sleep. Sun sets, sun rises, moon sets, moon eclipse. Garden fresh veggies. Breathe in, Breath out. Slow down. Stop to listen to kids. Hugs. Kisses.

I have been thinking of last year this time, for over a week now. First time I felt the lump. First Dr.s visit, Ultrasound, lumpectomy, result of the pathology.. It has caused some anxiety - I know I should celebrate my 1st year of survivorship, and don't get me wrong, I am so happy to be here, so happy to feel healthy. Last year, today, I wasn't sure if I would see my girl's birthdays. I didn't know - really nobody knows. But when one comes face to face with their mortality, you start appreciating everyday more. I still have days when I am short with my girls, when I forget to take a deep breath and "see" what is around me. But most days I take time to say Thanks, thanks for today, thanks for letting me be here. I try to slow down to smell a flower and admire the Orion on the winter sky. Let the girls tell their stories, sometimes let them go to bed a little later than they should so they can finish their dances. I LOVE watching them grow. I love my husband more everyday, he is my partner, my best friend.

Anyway I am drifting off. But didn't want to let today go by without reflecting on the past year.
Well, somethings don't change. Last year tonight, Ada had gotten pretty sick, as a matter of fact the day after the diagnosis she ran a fever of 105F. Deniz had a fever of 104.5 today!! Thankfully my dad is with us since yesterday so Deniz stayed with him at home because I had to teach from 9 am till 5 pm (only 2, 1 hr breaks in between). I was toast by the evening.
This weekend we should all rest and recover from from our illnesses.

I will end with a picture of me after the Strides for Cancer walk that I did last October:

3 month check up

Was yesterday and everything looks normal! That was amazing: a Dr's appointment and I didn't leave with a new worry.
We scheduled the liver MRI for the beginning of April and I will see the Dr right after that. It will be a 2 month check up (rather than 3) but that's fine. If I don't have to see her for a full 2 months that is awesome actually.

For the blood draw my port caused a little trouble, if I had not had it flushed just a few weeks ago I would have worried. The saline went in fine, it just would not let blood come out. We tried all the tricks I had learned last year, only one cough temporarily allowed some blood but then stopped again. So the nurse took me to another room and had me lay down. And that did the trick!!!
I am still recovering from the cold/sinus infection. Tuesday evening we had to go to urgent care because my fever wouldn't go down even with Advil (103F/39.7C), I had a caugh for about a week now and I was worried that the cold I was so proud to be fighting off had turned into a nasty bacterial infection (pneumonia?)
They examined me, had blood work done and a chest X-ray. Everything seemed normal so they prescribed antibiotics for sinus infection (+ the dr who checked me found out that he himself had strep so I hadbeen exposed to Strep and they didn't want me to get that either).
What was slightly upsetting/annoying was that as soon as I mentioned the stupid BC, and chemo, the doc started asking questions like "are there local recurrances? What is your status now? Is the cancer gone?". I understand why they have to do that but it was annoying that a stupid cold/24 hr high fever bug has to bring up the can of stupid cancer worms.. I know I know I have to get used to the fact that it is part of my health history now and will always be in the background. But I still can be annoyed by it right??
Anyway life is good, it is Friday! I have the best family.
Wishing you all a Happy Weekend!