A year ago today..

I was told, I had cancer. One year. 12 months. 3 surgeries. 16 chemo sessions. 2 semesters- teaching full time. 1 beautiful summer with my family. Countless scans. Sleepless nights. Hairless months. Blood tests. A family vacation. Many ballet performances. Cards, emails, phone calls from friends and family, near and far. Acupuncture. Tai Chi. Hikes. Visits to counselor. Prayers. Fear. Relief. Pink eyes. Birthday parties. Visits from old friends. Wigs. Hats. Jumping on the trampoline. New friends. Books, books, books. Painting eye brows. Two visits to Houston. Anniversary. Sisters. So many cooked meals from friends and neighbors. Green tea. Brown rice. Whole grain. Fatigue. Naps. Watching "Friends" while riding the bike. Anxiety. Learn to deal with anxiety. Meditation. Sleep. Sun sets, sun rises, moon sets, moon eclipse. Garden fresh veggies. Breathe in, Breath out. Slow down. Stop to listen to kids. Hugs. Kisses.

I have been thinking of last year this time, for over a week now. First time I felt the lump. First Dr.s visit, Ultrasound, lumpectomy, result of the pathology.. It has caused some anxiety - I know I should celebrate my 1st year of survivorship, and don't get me wrong, I am so happy to be here, so happy to feel healthy. Last year, today, I wasn't sure if I would see my girl's birthdays. I didn't know - really nobody knows. But when one comes face to face with their mortality, you start appreciating everyday more. I still have days when I am short with my girls, when I forget to take a deep breath and "see" what is around me. But most days I take time to say Thanks, thanks for today, thanks for letting me be here. I try to slow down to smell a flower and admire the Orion on the winter sky. Let the girls tell their stories, sometimes let them go to bed a little later than they should so they can finish their dances. I LOVE watching them grow. I love my husband more everyday, he is my partner, my best friend.

Anyway I am drifting off. But didn't want to let today go by without reflecting on the past year.
Well, somethings don't change. Last year tonight, Ada had gotten pretty sick, as a matter of fact the day after the diagnosis she ran a fever of 105F. Deniz had a fever of 104.5 today!! Thankfully my dad is with us since yesterday so Deniz stayed with him at home because I had to teach from 9 am till 5 pm (only 2, 1 hr breaks in between). I was toast by the evening.
This weekend we should all rest and recover from from our illnesses.

I will end with a picture of me after the Strides for Cancer walk that I did last October: